What is my testimony following my grief?  Has it been to bring God glory and to show that He can carry me through the worst times of my life?  Or has it shown panic, depression, and a loss of hope?

I think it has been both.

Life without Mike, or "Dad", or "Papa She-He" has been painful.  Grieving the loss of any loved one is!  He has been dearly missed and there is a gaping hole, still trying to heal. 

My children deal with their pain mostly privately, or inwardly.  I'm the opposite. 

 I'm not sure if one is better over the other.  Rather, I think it's a personal journey.  Talking, blogging or sharing my story has kept me here.  Kept me hanging by my fingernails, at times.  But present just the same!   Present for my children and grandchildren, no matter how fractured that might be, or appears.  I'm teaching them humility and honesty amidst devastating news and unbelievable testing.  I believe I'm also teaching them that faith can be strong even when prayers are not answered the way we had hoped.

I sing praises to my Savior, for He is my ONLY hope.  And even though life here doesn't make sense a lot of the time, the promise of a better life in eternity, is enough to sustain me.  And the joy that our family will one day be reunited again, helps me get out of bed every day.